I can't fight it anymore
by smileinyourlife
Summary: When CC wants to hurt herself, will someone help her ? First FF. Love The nanny and Niles&CC. My first langage is French, that's why I think that you will find a lot of mistakes and mostly in the the tenses of the verbs, but don't kill me ;-) Hope you will like it ! And don't hesitate to let reviews ! The song is Why she cries by J Minus


It was a sunny evening on Spring, birds were squawking and life goes on with her routine.

Maxwell Sheffield was sitting in his chair behind his desk and was reading some contracts.

CC Babcock was just in front of him, onto the leather green sofa, her feet under her and reading also some contracts.

Fran Fine was at her mother's house, speaking about food, Fine Family's problems and Maxwell, as always.

The kids were at school or pretending to be there.

Niles was in the kitchen. Behind the counter he just prepared a tray with tea and biscuits without thinking of anything precisely at this point of the day. Then, he made his way in the office, opened and closed the door behind him, before going at the corner of Maxwell's desk without a word. Meanwhile, Maxwell was asking her business partner: « CC, what's your plan for tonight? » CC's eyes went wide and she jumped from the sofa, making all the contracts fly from her knees, getting in front of the desk and held it with both her hands and asking « ME? NOTHING ! WHY? » Maxwell rolled his chair back when CC approached him and now he is just watching her with an embarrassed smile, as always when he knows that she just thought he is going to say to her to go out with him. « Maybe he just wants you to stand at the front door to drive away a potential visitor… » says Niles with a grin on his face, which was received by the She-devil with a killed look. « Niles… » warned Maxwell, « No, seriously, I just wanted to know if you're free tonight since there's a big reunion and I can't go there. I've promised Miss Fine and the children to take them out to eat and go… » But he didn't have the time to finish his sentence because the door bursted open and closed with a loud sound in just one second. « Niles, do you know what have just happened to CC? » Maxwell asked his friend, more concerned for the answer for the reunion than for the real reason why CC has reacted like that. « Maybe she was too long in the light and has no more time to live as a human. » « Niles… » Maxwell warned a second time already. « Sorry Sir. No, I really don't know why she has reacted like that. Do you want me to go and search for her and her answer ? » Because I know that's only what you want to know. « Yes, please. It's quite important. Just in case, I give you the night off Niles. Even if it's a reunion between professional from theatre it will be good if CC goes with someone, hum, a man, well not alone because it will be a… not a good vision of… » Maxwell was struggling to finish his sentence. Luckily Niles has understood. « It's alright. Thank you Sir. » and with that he left the office and went to search for the woman he had to go with. Niles was making his way down the stairs when he saw the woman he was looking for in front of the closet, taking her coat and opening the door. « Miss Babcock! » he called her before she leaves « GO TO HELL! » was the only response he received before he heard the sound of the door shut for the second time today. « Damn, this woman will be the death of me ! » growled Niles. First he thought that he musts go to Maxwell to bring her response, but he remembered that he has the night off that's why he decided to follow her and just go where he knew she could be. Niles felt that something was wrong with CC, Well something really wrong, not just the right way things are always wrong with her… and that's why he climbed into a taxi and says the address of CC's penthouse. I hope I am going to find her.

* * *

CC was on her way in a taxi, she was thinking hard and was trying hard not to let tears go down. _I can't believe this is happening again. I can't believe it. How can I've been so dumb, again. He doesn't like you CC! Maxwell doesn't like you, he likes just the fact that you can work because you're alone and don't have a family, a lover or children. And this Nanny Fine, she have to go to hell with all her clothes, her voice, her laugh, her family. And the children, they don't even know me, they just know the cold-hearted witch which is in me, that's all. If I disappeared they won't remark it. No one will remark it, neither my family. Wait, which family? And that damn, mean, poor, old, decrepit butler… he's just the same as Maxwell: always there to put me down, never a nice word toward me but to insult me he is here, he bullies me since we met.… That's it. Time has come for me to disappear._ Now tears were freely falling from her eyes but at that point she couldn't care less, even crying in front of a driver has no more importance now.

* * *

When she arrived in front of her building she paid the driver, bursted out of the car then in her building without a sign at John, the doorman, As always. She didn't even take the elevator _I can't wait anymore to leave that f***ing life._ That's why she took the stairs and ran. Out of breath because of the race she has just made and of the sobs that had make her breathing really tough, now CC was struggling to find her keys and also to find the keyhole. She finally managed to open her door, closed it behind her and put her back against it. She sat on the floor and shut her eyes closed. _Okay. I'll go in the bathroom and prepare it. My God, I'm looking so pathetic right now: I cried in front of someone ! That had never happened to me, even my parents had never see me like that._ She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand, and get up a little dazed, made her way down her living-room, then her long corridor to reach the last door on her right. She opened it: at her left is a big bathroom sink with a loth of cabinets (the medicine one for example) and just above is a heavy and decorated mirror which takes almost all the wall, with glided sittings (her dream: she thought if she bought that mirror which look like them in the past in castles she could be herself a princess. However, it worked the first morning but since then, she is just a little girl afraid of the world and that's why she transforms herself into a mischievous woman when she goes out of her home to protect herself.) Then, in front of her and in the middle of the bathroom is a French claw-foot baby bathtub, also with gold and it takes also most of the wall. She closed the door, closed the shutter down and put the light around the mirror on. She came in front of her mirror: _The princess has lost her crown huh._ Now, CC is looking at her face: her hair was blond and very straight, making her face really serious; her eyes were a deep shade of blue and surrounding by mascara but also her cheeks were black because of the make up which has flown down them. Her lips were shaped because of crying and biting them but really red, as her lipstick made them. And her skin was so white, she really looked like a ghost or a body which hasn't got a soul anymore. _Yeah I'm a princess. But a really sad one._ She breathed in and out four times and then thrown aside her black blazer, her white t-shirt, her blue jeans and her black heels thus she just stay with her black panties. Then she went in front of the bathtub, opened the water and let it go until the temperature was hot and the water reached a high level. She also added bubbles and took from a cabinet some fake flowers and she lit candles that she put onto the bathtub's edge. The final touch: she turned on the radio to have her favorite song and just when she heard the first musical note she had goosebumps and thought how the lyrics are so true for her at that point of her life.

 **Now she's alone**

 **Then she looks inside for the first time in her life**

 **Then she realized**

 **She's alone again without a reason why**

 _I think it's perfect like that: simple and elegant but not too much, just the right opposite of the Miss Babcock that all the people know._ And then, she took out from the medicine cabinet some pills and a blade that she puts next to the sink. She threw a look at her in the mirror, smiles sadly then takes a pill in her right hand and swallows it. A second one. A third one. A fourth …

* * *

In the same time, Niles was always in the taxi and was thinking of how weird and uncommon CC's reaction was. _I know Miss Babcock has head over heels for Maxwell since a lot of time now. But I can't understand that. First just because he was Sara's husband and she's not here anymore_ His eyes moisten as the truth is slapping him in the face _so she really doesn't have the right to want him, her best friend's husband… Secondly, she knows Maxwell will never see her more than her business partner, so why today she has reacted like that ? It wasn't a surprise… Thirdly, well thirdly she has me, but she doesn't see it and she probably will never see it._ At that point of his thoughts, the taxi arrived in front of CC's penthouse. Niles paid the driver with a nice smile and when he entered in CC's building he nodded at John, also with a polite smile, « Hello John ! » « Hello Niles ! » « John, did you see Miss Babcock returned in her apartment ? » « Well, I haven't see the woman for more than 2 seconds but I can assure you it was her: a blond woman was entering and running quickly and silently trough the stairs. » « That must have been her. Thanks John. » « You're welcome. » The two men smiled at each other, then John thought That Miss Babcock must be blind, not to see a man like Niles loving her with all he had in him: even me I can see it through his eyes. Niles made his way up to CC's apartment with the elevator lost in his thoughts but very very far away from what he will find just some moments after the elevator's door oppened.

* * *

Meanwhile, CC stopped counting the pills that she had already swallow: she just keep doing it, as an habit. When the plaque of medicine was empty, she took off her panties, took the blade in her hand and a single tear rests on her cheek when the song continue her story…

 **She dries the tears upon her face**

 **And she looks into the mirror then away**

 **She sees the shadow of her curse**

 **No one understands her**

and with that she entered in the bath. She made a deep sigh, feeling the hot water making like a barrier around her body, _It feels like heaven. Oh no I'm not there already, and I'm sure they don't accept witch there._ She gave her throaty laugh but only the silence responded to her.

 **She begins to cry**

 **Finally she starts to see**

 **She's the reason**

 **The reason why she cries**

And now, feeling so weak, her head heavy, her vision troubled and with her hands shaking, she began to cry. Right now, CC Babcock, the bitch of Broadway is crying and sobbing like she had never done before: all of her body was shaking now and she had to close her eyes. She could hardly breath and she begins to let some shout of pain getting out of her mouth, however she increased her grip on the blade even if she was suffering like hell, she was feeling the blade enters the skin of her hand so she opens her eyes and sees a little drop of blood making her path down her wrist and then fall in the water. It hurts so much… Pain it's the only thing I can feel anyway.

* * *

Niles has reached her door, has stuck his ear against it only to hear far sounds and a song but he only knocked at the door. No response. After a small number of minute and knocks, Niles couldn't wait anymore. He was shouting her name out loud in the hopes that she'll come from wherever she was and insult him for not letting her alone. More minute passed. The far cry that he eared did not end that's why he tried to open the door. Luckily, it wasn't locked so he entered and what hits him the most was the empty room and always that far cry coming in his ears. He just followed what he eared to be at the end of the corridor, in front of a door. The cry are coming from here… Without hesitation he enters into the room and at first he was struggling to see something since there is steam everywhere. And yet, he saw a shape in the bathtub in front of him« My god Miss Babcock, what the hell is happening here ?! » He made three big steps and knelt next to her. Her head was down and her hair were on her face, her nude body can be see trough the water: her arms were falling next to her outside the tub and her legs were folded against her so her knees were out of the water. Niles can't make a move even if the situation was really really hard and he knows so much he had to do something but it's like if his body was disconnected from his brain and then she was the first to talk.

« I can't fight anymore… mumbled CC under her breath and her hair.

Wha-What ? asked Niles, putting a strand of hair behind her right ear.

I can't fight it anymore.

What.. What are you talking about ?

All that pain. Everyday. Every night. An-and the loneliness, th-the sadness. Can't you understand tha-that no one loves me ! I've no-nobody ! NOBODY ! I haven't a fa-family, Maxwell takes me good f-for work only, my personal life i-is a mess and I've no real fri-friend and no lo-lover plus Nanny Fine reduce my chan-chances because of her ass and even the children hate me.

She is now crying louder and sobbing even more that for a while she couldn't speak. All of her body continue to shake and her head was really in mess: the pills began to make their effects and the blade in her hand (in fact, it's clearly IN her hand because she didn't stop to push it) didn't help with the pain and the blood that made its way. And Niles was here, powerless and trying to understand all what was happening right now: the woman just in front of him was in her bathtub, full of drugs, sad like a dog and like he had never seen her before.

Then he heard a little voice, like a little girl:

« If I die, who'll miss me ?

« … Me. Niles whispered after a while. You DO have someone Miss Babcock but you have never seen it or wanted to… You have me. »

« You? You're like the other. Most of all you've never said a nice word to me, always there to kick me down like a dog even in front of other people. You always say I'm ugly, I'm not a real woman, that I just have to jump on my broom and go in the world's ass. How can you dare saying that you will miss me? »

« I will. It's hard to believe but… Miss Babcock… CC… I do love you since the first day we met. I just kick you down to.. well.. it's the only way for me being remarked by you, in other form than the poor butler I am. »

She raised her head and look at him. What he was seeing broke his heart: CC Babcock is broken inside and he could see the pain in her eyes and the hopes that had quit her. But also she was nearly breaking outside too: he understood now the high quantity of pills she took but when his eyes go down to find his cellphone on his pocket her fist was bailed but not completely, something grey inside it. Without thinking he took her hand in his, and tried to open it. She let him do it since she wasn't strong enough to stop him anyway. « Oh, dear… » What he saw returned his stomach but he couldn't surrender himself at that point. That's why, gently but firmly, he took the blade between his fingers and retired it from CC's hand. CC screamed hard and Niles was holding her in her arms, threw the blade aside and increased his embrace only to hold her tighter against him and he whispered in her ear « I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to make you suffer like that. Now but also all the time since we met. If only you could know how much I do love you. » These were the last words CC heard and she could't hope a better way to fall asleep.

* * *

2 days later…

The hospital room was completely white and really shiny. Too much for CC to handle when she finally opened her eyes. She had to blink some times for her eyes to accommodate. _Where am I and what the hell has happened ?_ Now she was seeing a perfusion on the back of her left hand, a bandage around her right hand _That stings so much ! And it's like if I have a drill which is drilling in my head._ But after a while, CC was seeing someone next to her: of course it was Niles with her head laying down on the hospital bed just next to her shoulder, his left arm and hand on her belly while his right arm and hand were supporting his forehead and he was sitting on a chair which has been brought closer from the bed so he will not totally arm his back. CC was watching him for some times and was feeling how peaceful he seemed to be right now since she was feeling him breathing really slowly and regularly. On the contrary, CC was not peaceful at all since all of what happened began to burst in her mind: the sadness, Maxwell, the song, the mirror, the bath, the pills, the blade: _that's what is stinging in my hand right know, isn't it ?_ For a second, CC thought she was going to have a panic attack so she searched for something to grab with her left hand and her target seemed to be Niles' hand on her belly. The contact with his skin was appeasing her and her mind at once: his skin was so smooth that she never stopped touching it, she even tried to entwine her fingers with his and at that point Niles awake. Slowly, he took her hand in his and when she turned her head toward him, Niles saw a single tear making its way down her cheek. So with a little smile, Niles wiped it away with his thumb and was saying « I'm sorry. Now I'm here for you and I always will. I love you my witch. » At first, CC didn't know what to do. But when she felt a wave of tears coming she just crashed her lips against Niles' and after that she just said « Thank you. I love you too, Butler Boy. «


End file.
